(via lanni)

utsagor:

“Adhd was once called creativity”

Oh hell no.

I am someone with ADHD and I would like to tell you that yes it is a real disorder.

I would like to tell you about all the times I wanted to cry from frustration because I just couldn’t focus, even though that’s all I waned to do and I was trying so hard and getting no where; about all the times I wanted to sit and draw, but I couldn’t because sitting still was hell; about my thoughts going so fast I can’t get them out and how I wanted to write stories and poems but the words flew through my grasp and there was nothing left; about hearing everyone say how things are so easy and then wanting to cry because it took me hours to do what for them takes 30 minutes so I must be broken; about finally getting my focus on something only to realize after I stop that it’s been 8 hours since I got up and I haven’t eaten anything because I’ve been so focused on this book and now I’m afraid I’ll pass out if I try to get to my kitchen for food; about how the little noises in the room make it impossible for me to focus so I get behind, or I don’t finish tests, or I misread thing and do whole assignments wrong; about how I can’t even follow conversations with friends some days, so then I just avoid them for fear of looking bad.

And I would like to tell you about someone finally giving me a name for everything I struggled with; about how finally I was told that it wasn’t my fault and how I could get help; about how the first day I took my medication I wanted to cry because I could finally do the things I wanted; about how good it feels to be able to follow conversations; about the joy I get from drawing now that I can sit down freely; about how amazing it is to write again; about how I can finally sit down and relax; about how I can function in school again; about how much easier it is to be around people; about how I feel so much better and I can finally start to value myself and fix the damage that’s been done.

I would finally like to tell you how much it hurts to see people dismiss everything I’ve gone through; to tell me I don’t know my own feelings; to say that I wasn’t trying hard enough, when I had given all I had time and time again until I didn’t think there was anything left; how I want to scream ‘fuck you’ at people who say its made up, because I am not made up I’m real so listen to me; about how I can’t understand why people think ADHD medication would make me a zombie, when before I already was one.

I would like to tell you all this and hope you listen and think about it, but the thing is I know you probably won’t.

So I counted out my pills, definitely did take two of my stimulants by accident, probably because my memory is crap until they kick in (note to self if I think I forgot wait an hour to see if it kicks in, if not then take pill, do not impulsively take another (also pretty sure this entire scenario is caused by my ADHD, yay crappy memory and impulsiveness))

Called the pharmacy, with the dose I’m on there’s no danger, but because the dose I’m on takes care of my symptoms, the extra dose makes me jumpy, anxious, jittery, and is making my skin picking worse. On the bright side I can still concentrate, well somewhat, at least better than without the pills (yes I am that bad off them).

Also I am definitely going to get back into writing, whether it be short stories, or poetry because writing out that poem helped me deal with a lot of emotions regarding stuff that has happened to me, and the reactions of those who where supposed to care, well at least the bullying stuff.

TW: Suicide

For the record no I haven’t attempted suicide via pills (the one time I got that far was a noose that broke). I have had two breakdowns with near attempts in other ways that ended with me locked in the closet(and later at the hospital none case) to stop myself. Yes the narrative is from my point of view the only difference being I as previously stated ended up in a closet till my mom found me and carted me off to the hospital rather than actually taking pills.

(via avengemymischief)

ya if you couldn’t tell I do not like the whole ‘it gets better’ thing

Anonymous asked: I agree with you RE "it gets better". I feel a way to put it succinctly would be "it encourages passivity". GSM movements like this should be encouraging actively ~doing something~ against bullying/oppression, rather than just ~waiting it out~. Not everyone has that luxury.

that pretty much sums up my view, like I cant deny that at the beginning of the whole ‘it gets better’ campaign I was in a bad place and looking through the videos helped a bit, but then later it just hurt because it wasn’t getting better and no-one was trying to make it better (see badly written poem thing i just wrote for my feels on the matter).

And that hurt, and made things worse for me, because when everyone said it was supposed to get better and it didn’t then I thought I was doing something wrong, which just made it worse. So ya anon I agree with you.

it doesn’t get better, for some it gets worse
everyone says how

‘it gets better’

it hurts because
obviously something is wrong with you
because everyone says

‘it gets better’,

and it isn’t getting better
so you should just hide the hurt,
and pain,
and anger.
because

‘it gets better’.

you shouldn’t complain because
if it’s not getting better than it’s your fault.
if everyone says it then it must be true,
no matter how much it all hurts,
or how bad things have gotten
don’t complain because

‘it gets better’

so just deal with it
and suck it up
like a good victim.
don’t fight back because,
then you just make them angry,
and if they are angry
they have a  reason to hurt you.
don’t you know
that if you a perfect victim

‘it gets better’

the teachers all say

‘it gets better’

parents all say

‘it gets better’

even your hero says keep trying,

‘it gets better’

but its not,
and you don’t know how to try anymore.
they all say

‘it gets better’

but none of them help,
none of them seem to care
so maybe when they say it,
they mean after it’s all over.
after all it didn’t change
when you wore the right clothes
listened to the right must
played cis,
and straight,
and sane,
and smart.
when you try your hardest
to stop being different.
so maybe,

‘it gets better’

when its all over and done
after all,
those pills in the cupboard,
that rope in the garage,
that razor in the bathroom,
seems so much easier than hearing

‘it gets better’

everyday when doesn’t.
from everyone whose suppose to help,
but won’t.
so you make a choice
and swallow all the pills
any wait for it to end
because then it will be better
and you won’t have to hurt anymore

suncalf:

nepeta:

★ eridan appreciation blog 2k12 ★: suncalf: i really dislike the “it gets better” attitude because it’s…

uzireloaded:

suncalf:

i really dislike the “it gets better” attitude because it’s saying that bullying and harassment and shame is normal and acceptable. it’s saying that the attitudes and the systems behind that behaviour can never be changed so why try. it’s saying that if only you can tough out the…

I don’t normally voice my opinions, but it does get better. I got bullied all through school. I couldn’t wait for it to be over. Now that I’m an adult I have new hobbies, things to distract me, and if you don’t like something? Shout and it an ignore it.

Anyone who says to you “It will get better” is only trying to help you be more positive. I mean if you want to dislike it, go ahead. Nobody wants to see their friends down.

-Did have more stuff to say, but I’m really not in the mood for this shit- 

I agree with Cher??? Like, it does get better… People grow up, realise bullying is bullshit and picking on people is stupid and just kinda stop.

I went through years 7 - 11 getting nothing but bullshit from people. (I just finished year 11) and in year 7, it was awful. Now I’m in year 11, getting picked on because of something as mundane as sex. But the person who is picking on me for it is kinda a well-known asshole so no one really cared about his opinion by  the end of the year.

Basically what I’m trying to say is people grow up and change, not everyone can get along and you really do have to take their advice, be the bigger person and ignore it/be better than it/not let it get to you???????????

hot damn.

okay it’s really great that stuff got better/is getting better for you guys but 

the thing is, it doesn’t work out that way for everyone. because unfortunately, a lot of people grow up hurting and bullying others and no one stops them or tells them why that is not okay - because of attitudes like “they’ll grow out of it” or whatever - and suddenly they’re adults but they’re adults who have only ever been rewarded for hurting others and why would they stop now.

they don’t stop.

because when you’ve got a whole system in place, specially if you’re at the top of it, a whole system telling you that it’s okay to treat other people like shit, why should you stop. especially, let’s see, women and POC and trans*/lgbt* folk and people who make less money than you and people who can’t/don’t speak english and people who follow a different religion and people who are mentally ill and people who are disabled and a helluva lot of other things.

it doesn’t always get better for them. bullying and harassment, when allowed to continue, doesn’t just go away. it gets worse, and it changes shape and creeps into the workplace and on the streets and into the family and suddenly people are dying because the ones who were in a place to take action thought that if they just looked the other way then things would “get better” for everyone. and they were wrong, and they will always be wrong, because all inaction breeds is more inaction and more suffering. ignoring that a problem exists and ignoring your role in it is as good as encouraging it.

I think like a big problem with the whole ‘it gets better’ thing, along with all of what suncalf said, is that people say it and then do nothing to make it better. Like a lot of people will respond to bullying with “oh it’ll get better” and then do nothing to help make it better, which ignores the fact that while bullying can be stopped effort has to be made to make it stop. Societal ideas have to be changed, bullying behavior punished, and standing up rewarded, ect… Like it’s not going to get better just because someone say so, and so many people use ‘it gets better’ as a shield to prevent them from having to do any work, they feel if they say it then their job is done, when really the only way it will get better is if bullying and what causes it is confronted head on.

(via witchchild)

well fuck I think I may have accidentally taken one of my pills twice >.<

suncalf:

i really dislike the “it gets better” attitude because it’s saying that bullying and harassment and shame is normal and acceptable. it’s saying that the attitudes and the systems behind that behaviour can never be changed so why try. it’s saying that if only you can tough out the first twenty-odd years of your life then you’ll emerge into a magical adult land of equality where things are Better. 

and that’s just bullshit, isn’t it.

hiding behind the flawed pretence that “it gets better” is just another way to avoid having to face the original problem. the only way anything will get better is if we stop pretending that closing our eyes and covering our ears will make the problems go away.

 I have an internal timer in social situations; some unknown amount of time passes and suddenly, I feel the overwhelming urge to be alone and any time someone touches me I want to cry. Some people thrive off of company, but it drains me. 

(via ceasesilence)

queernonymoose:

blackenedbutterfly:

fuckyeahtoronto:

UNION STATION.

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??!?!

I’ve had it with these mother fucking sharks in my mother fucking malls!

dearnoncispeople:

‘non-cis’ people aren’t subjugated anymore, they’re just mad they aren’t the special little snowflakes they once were and have to make new bullshit up to stay ‘unique’. It’s a mental problem.

I guess when two dozen doctors refused to treat Robert Eads for cancer, when paramedics stopped treating Tyra Hunter and let her die, when the murder rate of trans women is 16 times the national average, when you can be fired or denied housing because you are trans*, there is no subjugation of trans* people anymore.

queernonymoose:

deliciouskaek:

deafmuslimpunx:

I love how the school threatened to suspend the girl while refusing to address the audist bullies who bullied her and other girls for using American Sign Language.

Go fuck yourself, Stonybrook School.

Via ABC News:

School officials have threatened a hearing-impaired girl with suspension if she uses sign language to talk to her friends on the school bus, the girl’s parents say.

Danica Lesko and her parents say sign language is the only way to for the 12-year-old to communicate, especially while riding to school on a noisy bus.

But officials at Stonybrook School — which is not a school for the hearing-impaired — and district officials in Branchburg, N.J., apparently believe signing is a safety hazard. They have sent a letter to the Lesko family ordering Danica to stop using sign language on the school bus or risk a three-day suspension.

The March 30 letter from her principal that said Danica was “doing sign language after being told it wasn’t allowed on the bus.”

The Leskos may file a lawsuit over the sign language ban, claiming officials are violating Danica’s civil rights and violating the Americans with Disabilities Act.

“She has a hearing problem, and now she’s being punished for using sign language,” Mary Ann Lesko, Danica’s mother, told The Star-Ledger of Newark. “It’s absurd.”

Danica’s parents told the paper that other students who rode to school with their daughter made fun of her, and refused to stay in their seats as they teased other girls who were using sign language. They said school officials are singling out Danica and not addressing those who should really be reprimanded.

Schools Officials: Safety First

In a statement released through the school district’s attorney, David Rubin, the Branchburg Board of Education refused to discuss the details of Danica’s case, saying only that its version of events differs from the parents’ version.

However, the board insisted it has not violated anyone’s rights and is only trying to protect other students who must ride on the school bus.

“The Board is committed to providing reasonable accommodations to all students with disabilities, and is satisfied that there has been no violation of that policy in this case,” officials said in the statement. “The Board is also committed to assuring the safety of all students who travel on District buses, and will continue to take appropriate steps to accomplish that goal.”

One deaf-rights advocate said Danica’s parents have a strong basis for a lawsuit because sign language could be a considered a foreign language, and school officials could be violating the girl’s First Amendment right to communicate.

“Why should there be a ban?” asked Charlotte Karras, outreach coordinator for the Edison, N.J.-based Alliance for Disabled in Action. “It’s a violation of her communication rights. She’s said it’s the only way she can communicate with her friends … It’s [the ban] against the ADA and violates the First Amendment and her family can file a discrimination suit citing the Americans With Disabilities Act.”

Karras said her organization would be willing to help the Leskos with any legal action.

Danica’s parents say she began losing her hearing last November, when a classmate allegedly shot a bottle rocket near her ear. They have already sued the Branchburg School District over that incident.

wtf… a safety hazard? why, because folks are fuckin with her? and this AFTER a kid at the school fucked up her hearing in the first place? 

Maybe if the bus monitors and and teachers told them lil muhfuckas to cut the shit it wouldn’t have happened in first place. and now they need to tell make those little assholes to stfu and leave her alone.

fuck is wrong with people.

I also like how they constantly used hearing-impaired to describe her, and also acting like all “hearing impaired schools” magically use sign language. In fact, this idea that the oral method (just speaking, no signing) or “combination” (using oral methods, plus pidgin signing which is English using signed things but isn’t ASL) is fucking popular in Deaf schools.

Honestly, it reminds me of the “English only” policies that many classrooms I was in had. In Massachusetts, it’s extremely popular. ASL was also targeted because it wasn’t English, or was a form of “coded English that I [the teacher] can’t understand and that makes me feel weird”. Of course, the policy’s claim was it was targeting gangs. Right.